In the spirit of love and sex, we thought it would be interesting to explore, and help you explore, being pleasured.To that end, the very lovely and helpful people over at Seduction provided us with a variety of sex toys and the like to review. Most might say the best way to review a product is to provide the facts … but here at the newspaper, we’re all about providing an experience! What better way to figure out if you’re interested in trying something than seeing how it went for someone else? And if you do end up interested, all the better—these products aren’t too expensive (<$30) and are definitely a great way to see a new side to however much sexual experience you already have!

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FLORAVI LILA VIBRATOR

I would like to think of myself as someone that is fairly experienced and knowledgeable when it comes to sex, which I attribute to the internet and how horny I was as a kid (and that I blame on the Girls Gone Wild commercials that came on at 3:00 AM on MTV).

But when it comes to sex toys, I  don’t really have much experience at all. In fact, my relationship with them is kind of weird. Prior to our trip to Seduction, I owned a butt plug and a gag and wrist restraint—both gifts from my boyfriend. I didn’t own a dildo or a vibrator, so I seemed to have jumped a few hurdles.

I actually never had this notion until after the sex shop trip, when a friend was shocked to hear that this was the first vibrator I have ever owned or experienced. This notion set in even more after listening to our guide at Seduction, the night manager named Ashley, talk about vibrators and how conventional they have become in people’s lives—how people will invest the same kind of money and care into them as one would with any other household electronic.

Much of the reason why I never bought a dildo or vibrator was the fear of investing money into something that wouldn’t get me off—a fear I realized during this experience that many other people share. I am not like the blessed small percentage of ladies that can orgasm from vaginal intercourse, so it never really crossed my mind to purchase a dildo, especially when I still have the juvenile logic of using a hair brush if need be. I am also kind of finicky when it comes to my clit; I think that I am used to and very partial to how I play with it. I’ve never had a guy make me cum with his hands or with his mouth, and I don’t think it’s because he sucked. I think it’s just that I’m very particular. However, I was still eager and pleased to try out a vibrator, especially after Ashley reassured me that the clit is the most sensitive part of the vagina and that I shouldn’t have any problems.

To cut to the chase, I came. I came like hell. I came like the Greeks came in the Trojan Horse. I came like Columbus came to America.

I used some pleasure balm and put on some porn to get things warmed up—-which I also usually do when I masturbate anyways. I originally tried to use the vibrator internally on each of the seven different settings. It felt nice but definitely not something I could see eventually becoming an orgasm. The final four settings, the ones that simulate a kind of ebb and flow, were definitely the most pleasant for internal. These seem to be meant for internal anyways, because I was pretty ambivalent to them on my clit.

Like I said, I’m finicky about my clit, so I was most successful on the third setting—the highest vibration setting of the steady ones. I came pretty quickly and just started maniacally laughing afterwards out of sheer happiness. I had fears that I wouldn’t be able to cum, that my body was wired in a way where I couldn’t enjoy these pleasures like everyone else. By the end, I realized that I hadn’t paid any attention to the porn at all.  

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ADORE U LANA ANAL BEADS

I’m usually quite the fan of anal. When my boyfriend Interac e-transfers me, he makes the security question “what u want girl,” with the answer being “anal.” I already own a vibrating butt plug, and do enjoy it for the most part—though sometimes I do want more out of it. I don’t find the vibrating too much more pleasurable, and because it runs on watch batteries, the plug died quickly after the first couple uses. So at its core, it’s just this thing that sits in my butt. I was ready for an upgrade and I found that the anal beads were the perfect fix.

I had seen a lot of anal beads in porn but never had a burning desire for them; they were never something at the top of my sex store wish-list. I realized afterwards when I had to Google how to exactly use them that it’s because I didn’t truly understand their purpose. Anal beads are bead-shaped because the balls are meant to stimulate the many nerves of the sphincter as they get gradually pulled out or put back in at different speeds. Many sites suggest that it is best to pull them out near climax, though it is not necessary because it can be hard to maneuver solo. It was something I managed fine myself and it was definitely worth it. I would also recommend trying them with a partner because of the added suspense of not knowing which way they are going to go—in or out.   

I think I have always only associated anal with the idea and sensation of being filled: how that can affect ideas of submission and dominance, or how that added pressure can feel in combination with the clit or vaginal penetration. While anal beads do play with those ideas too, I think that they also literally play with the nerves of the sphincter. To me, the butt plug is rather dormant; it acts as a way to fill your butt, to plug your butt. The ebb and flow of the beads as they get pulled out is a lot different, and a lot more fun and pleasurable. Anal novice or anal veteran, I think beads are something everyone should definitely try.

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KAMA SUTRA PLEASURE BALM

I put way too much of this shit on. For some reason, I had the logic that if it will make my clit more sensitive and susceptible to pleasure, then I should just slather it on, right? NO. WRONG. I put on all the balm that was stuck to the peel-off foil tab. Again, my logic was not good. There are no instructions on it anywhere either so thank god you’re reading this if you plan on buying some.

You’re really only supposed to put a dab on your clit. It makes you more sensitive because it’s like putting toothpaste on your pussy, or like those “lip plumping” glosses that are very minty. You get all tingly as more blood rushes to the area. It was kind of a confusing sensation; it feels cooling from the mint but it’s also fucking burning? To be honest, I’m making it sound way worse than it actually was, especially when it’s because I used it incorrectly. It was never bad enough where I felt the need to get it the fuck off of me like some weird lubes that I’ve tried or like the times as a kid when I thought I could use body soap to clean my vagina. I think it seemed worse because the experience was combined with the shock having never experienced any kind of pleasure balms.

In terms of actual sensation or pleasure, I have to admit that I don’t think I noticed much of a difference. I used it during my first experience with the vibrator and I had a really great time but it’s hard to decipher if the balm elevated an experience since it was already so good. At one point when the burning subsided and before I used the vibrator, I gave my clit a poke to see if it felt more sensitive. I expected the kind of shivering, squirmy sensation you get when something is sensitive to the touch, but found that it felt almost the same as usual.

I would like to note that this stuff is very discreet. It looks like a lip balm that comes in a pot or tin. My nightstand doesn’t have a drawer or anything so I just let it sit out and it looks exactly like one of my cuticle creams.

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