the newspaper touches themselves
In the spirit of love and sex, we thought it would be interesting to explore, and help you explore, being pleasured.To that end, the very lovely and helpful people over at Seduction provided us with a variety of sex toys and the like to review. Most might say the best way to review a product is to provide the facts … but here at the newspaper, we’re all about providing an experience! What better way to figure out if you’re interested in trying something than seeing how it went for someone else? And if you do end up interested, all the better—these products aren’t too expensive (<$30) and are definitely a great way to see a new side to however much sexual experience you already have!
ADORE U HOM COCK RINGS
What’s a love that doesn’t keep you up, all night and all day? And what better way to spend that night than listening to Kehlani crooning about love while you venture into the world of sex toys?
Apparently, that’s what cock rings are for. I suppose if you’re going to spend all night testing out a goodie bag of sexual paraphernalia, you might as well start with the one that scares you the most.
According to my boyfriend they’re good for “staying hard and feeling big.” Staying hard and feeling big: those are things we’ve never had a problem with.
We received a package of three in varying sizes, all of which were daunting, mostly because we couldn’t fathom how any of them would fit. But their size is what helps them serve their purpose, and once we got them out of the package they turned out to be more flexible than they appeared (thank God).
Wearing it around the base of his shaft, he said that he could definitely feel the constriction and the “enhancement” of the erection. Visibly, the results were impressive. If you like veins on appendages that aren’t forearms, you’ll enjoy this.
Performance wise, neither of us noticed a significant difference in terms of, say, endurance. The ensuing engorgement, if you don’t mind me borrowing romance novel terminology, was aesthetically pleasing, but also kind of a pain in the shaft on his part.
I’ve learned since then that actually wearing the ring behind the scrotum versus just on the shaft can help intensify and delay orgasm. While, unfortunately, the constriction to his penis was uncomfortable, cock rings are something we’d try again, if only to make sure we’re doing it right.
WICKED AQUA SALTED CARAMEL LUBE
To keep things clean and efficient so to speak, our usual go-to before ejaculation is oral, which brings us to another novelty of the night: salted caramel-flavoured lube.
It tasted better than I thought it would: exactly like salted caramel. Watching Buzzfeed videos and reading various anecdotes prepared me for a barely edible, sticky fiasco.
Sticky is right, but the taste wasn’t something I took issue with. If I have any complaints, it would be the smell. Three years of dick has taught me that sometimes, things can smell and most of the time, it’ll taste like nothing except skin. Which is fine. It doesn’t smell any worse than you’d expect another person’s genitalia to smell.
Running the risk of being just a little bit gross, I do have to say that the mixture of salted caramel smell with the everyday musk of penis is not a pleasant one. Still, when I go down, I go down.
KAMA SUTRA PLEASURE BALM
My lips are my best feature, an indisputable fact that my boyfriend enthusiastically acknowledges. I like to moisturize them regularly, keeping them smooth and supple, and sometimes I like to add a little peppermint lip balm to plump them up.
Interestingly enough, those lips aren’t the only ones you can rub peppermint balm all over.
Technically, pleasure balm is meant for the clitoris (and the head of the penis as well, but he was too scared to try). It helps to stimulate the area and sensitize it even further. I must say, it did the trick.
The texture isn’t anything like what you’d expect a balm to be. I would describe the consistency as a gel; viscous, an opaque teal colour, and cool to the touch. The application was smooth and didn’t leave a residue on my fingers. It was a good starting point.
And then the tingling. Initially, the stinging sensation was pretty painful. Thankfully, that passed as soon as pressure was applied and the rest of the night was spent riding one peppermint scented wave after another.
My favourite would have to be the pleasure balm. It’s scintillating, relatively non-invasive, and also apparently multifunctional. (If you’re ever in a pinch and you need something to cure a raging headache and for some reason all you have is pleasure balm, rubbing it on your temples is a great DIY remedy.)
My favourite part about having sex is the cat-and-mouse aspect: playful dominance, each one trying to make the other feel as good as possible. Toys introduce another dimension to that.
The pleasure balm, however, is something that I see myself using both by myself and with another person relatively frequently. It adds to the atmosphere and the general physicality of the act without any kind of imposition.
(and Almost a Candle)
The only thing we didn’t get to try at all was the massage candle, and not for lack of wanting. You can never find a lighter when you need one apparently.
The theory is that you’re supposed to light it, wait for the wax to melt at the top, and then pour the droplets on your skin. The rest is self explanatory.
I wouldn’t say that I was excited, because that would be an understatement. If what they say about anticipation making everything better is true, I think I can confidently say that next time will be a night I will not and cannot write about.comments powered by Disqus