Dear Suzie,
So one of my best friends seems to have fallen for my other best friend. For the sake of the story, the guy is John and the girl is Jen. John only has a month left in the country and then is moving overseas. Jen is also moving away, but to a different place. Both have done long distance in the past. Jen is not up for it at this time and does not look at John much more than just a friend (so she says). Me being in the middle of this and both coming to me for advice, I feel like I should tell John of how she feels, but most of me feels it is not my position to do so. To be honest, I'm always up for helping out my close friends and am always there for them but this is getting annoying. What do I do?!
- Middle Man

Dear Middle Man,
Remember that incredibly annoying childhood game, Monkey in the Middle? Somehow, your two friends have made you into their proverbial monkey, except in this game they’re playing, you’re not interested in catching anything. It seems to me that you’d rather just sit on the sidelines. My advice to you is to sit this one out. You have absolutely no obligation to relay any information to John and Jen. You are not their messenger for what seems to be the usual miscommunication, with a dash of unrequited love. Next time one of them gripes about this non-relationship, just say you’re there for them, but would rather not get involved. You’ll be less stressed, and hopefully, they will learn to figure their shit out like adults.

Sincerely,
Suzie

Dear Suzie,
I fucked up bad. While my best friend was out of town, I slept with her boyfriend. What started as an innocent help-me-set-up-my-printer situation became a no-holds barred sexy times session. We both feel incredibly guilty, and initially promised to never bring this up. Now I’m having second thoughts. I know I am going to lose a friend, but I can’t take the guilt anymore.

Signed,
BFF No More

Dear BFF No More, Telling your friend is not going to be some magic band-aid solution for this seriously shitty situation you got yourself into, so be prepared to feel guilty for a long time. That being said, I feel that she needs to know. This stuff always, always comes out, and if your friend realizes that you’ve not only totally betrayed her, but kept it from her, the emotional upheaval will be even more terrible for her. Tell the other guilty party first, stick to your guns if he tries to change your mind, and tell your best friend what might save her months or even years of her life with a cheater for a boyfriend and a loser for a best friend. Then disappear out of her life, for her sake. Good luck.