Dear Suzie,
I'm in my first year of graduate school, and broke up with my girlfriend of four years around the end of October. There were a lot of unresolvable problems and the breakup was amicable, but I've been feeling dejected ever since. I have lots of wonderful friends in my department and I'm really close to my family, but I still feel pretty hollow. Between my research and TA duties, I have plenty of distractions from my worries but precious little time to meet new people. It also doesn't help that I have poor self-image and most single women my age don't seem to be interested in a relationship.

What do you think I should do? Should I suck it up and wait for Ms. Right to eventually come into my life? Or muster up my fragile ego and try to find her myself? I'm sure you get these kinds of questions all too often, but I could really use your help!

Regards,
-Overworked and Insecure

Dear Overworked,
Before we tackle the search for your dream girl, let’s put things into perspective. You’ve just come out of a long relationship, and no matter how amicable the breakup, that kind of situation is never easy. Your desire to love again bespeaks to your emotional maturity, but before you go looking for love, you have to spend some time with yourself. Think of it as quality time. Please excuse the corniness, but you basically have to become your own best friend. How do you expect a new person in your life to love you unconditionally if you and yourself are mere acquaintances?

The task of learning to like yourself is not an easy one, but it is a possible one. You can start by making time to see the awesome people in your life that you mentioned in your letter. They can help you see things to like about yourself. In order to give yourself another boost of confidence, try to get really good at a new activity or sport. Even just a few hours a week spent honing new skills will give your brain a chance to rest from school and will let you get out of your own head for a little while.

As for the girl of your dreams, she’s already waiting somewhere, just around the corner. Don’t go looking for her just yet, because at this very moment, you’re not totally ready. The universe has a way of making things appear to us when the time is right.

Sincerely,
Suzie